Walking can add minutes to your life.
This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional
5 months in a nursing home at $7000 per month.
 
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My grandpa started walking five miles a day
when he was 60.   Now he’s 97 years old
and we don’t know where the hell he is.
 
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I like long walks, especially when they
are taken by people who annoy me.
 
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The only reason I would take up walking is so
that I could hear heavy breathing again.
 
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I have to walk early in the morning,
before my brain figures out what I’m doing.
 
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I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks.
Haven’t lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there.
 
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Every time I hear the dirty word ‘exercise,’
I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
 
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I do have flabby thighs,
but fortunately my stomach covers them.
 
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The advantage of exercising every day is so when you die,
they’ll say, ‘Well she looks good, doesn’t she?’
 
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If you are going to try cross-country skiing,
start with a small country.
 
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I know I got a lot of exercise the last few years
- just getting over the hill.
 
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You could run this over to your friends
but why not just e-mail it to them!
 
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We all get heavier as we get older,
because there’s a lot more information in our heads.
That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.
 
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Every time I start thinking too much about
how I look, I just find a Happy Hour
and by the time I leave, I look just fine.